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Last summer I went to the Netherlands for the first time and fell in love with the people I met there - very passionate, loving people, who wanted to get to know you. It felt like home to me, because I am from Europe and relationships are easier there. I met Hilde and her son Nathan and we connected right away. I found such depth in her eyes, that I wanted to know more about her. We have stayed in touch ever since. Hilde is married and has three teenage children. Five years ago, Father poured out His love on her in a profound way, drawing her out of a spiritual desert. She was a social worker by profession and now she serves in her church as a counsellor, speaker and in prayer ministry. She is involved with FatherHeart Ministries Europe and the Father World Commission. www.fatherheart.net
"Paradise Regained"
By Hilde Van Der Velde
I was enjoying a session of a school with FatherHeart Ministries when an unusual childhood memory came back to me. I remembered an event which took place in the actual spot where the Garden of Eden was situated: The confluence of the Tigris and Euphrates rivers in southern Iraq. It was a marshy area, inhabited by an ancient people, the Marsh Arabs. I was ten years old. We, two Dutch families, had toured the area by boat. My father had told us to look around well, we might just see the angels and the flaming swords! I didn't know whether to believe it, but the situation thrilled and impressed me.
We landed at a Marsh Arab village. With 7 young children among us, mostly blond and freckle faced, we where quite an attraction to the isolated villagers. They crowded around us, not leaving us to ourselves for a moment, and I felt very uncomfortable.
After some time their curiosity was gratified and we managed to get rid of the crowd. This is where the interesting part of my memory begins. I found myself by the waterside. By it, a grandfather was squatting on the ground. A group of children stood by him. He was scooping up water with his hands and one by one the children drank from his hands. The man did it very routinely: This is what I do, I scoop up water for the children. One by one they stepped up and drank from his hands. When the last child had drunk.......he turned to me and offered me a drink……. I would so much have liked to step forward and have taken it, but my parents had warned us never to drink that kind of water. And rightly so, it was contaminated and would probably have made us sick. But oh, the feeling of welcome that he offered and the feeling of belonging it would have given me had I taken the drink! I remember distinctly how bad it felt to turn down the offer of this father figure. The water was contaminated……
Three years later I accepted Christ as my Saviour. I was a relatively happy Christian for many years, experiencing occasional "surprised by joy" moments, as C.S. Lewis calls them. Moments of great joy and fulfilment in God's presence, and glimpses of His beautiful magnitude were given to me. I set out to serve God in professional career and church life, mainly from wanting to share the Good I had found in my own life. It was mixed with an urge to perform, though. We are saved by grace, but yet, there was the feeling that if I do good, God's smile is upon me, and if I don't, a dark cloud moves in front of it and I have to win it back by performing well.
I married, had children and was active within the church. Hard and difficult situations in several areas of my life began to draw life out of me, more than was flowing into me. I got to a point of feeling utterly defeated in my life as a Christian. My dreams and hopes were gone. No more expectancy of experiencing God in this life, just the bare faith that the facts of the Bible were true and that some day I would enter eternity and then all would be well. I still wanted to give my children a Christian upbringing, and I prayed with them, but realized with much pain that I was doing it from the memory of what I once believed, but was no longer experiencing myself. This plight lasted for about two years.
A person I respected suggested I'd listen to "soaking" music and take a look at the website of the Toronto Airport church. What…..! The Toronto Blessing? Isn't that what makes people crawl around like cats and dogs? Isn't that what makes churches split? We have enough problems as it is! Contaminated water!
Even though I was saved within the charismatic movement, I had never seen the gifts of the Spirit function well. On top of that, I was taught later on by other people (that showed me much love and that I will always honour) that the gifts have pretty much ceased. I never embraced that teaching, but these two things caused my expectancy to be very low, and I could easily be led to believe that charismatic groups in general were contaminated water. I began to judge what I did not know or understand.
Fortunately the mentioned person was able to give some adequate information about the blessing that the Father has poured out in Toronto, including a personal testimony. I repented of having held judgements against the good work of the Holy Spirit, and not having appreciated and welcomed Him. I also repented of having held judgements against people who had wronged and hurt me and I learned how to forgive from the heart. One by one, I forgave them.
Then one day, on a hillside in Tuscany, Father's love found me again. The life in my spirit and my joy were restored! I could worship again, more than ever. I began to hear His voice and see visions. In the years that followed more revelation of His beautiful loving heart came to me. He showed me He had always loved me and smiled on me, regardless of my performance. He took me back to the place where I was born and told me He had wanted me from before the foundation of the world, had put me there and had never left me. He began revealing the completely selfless nature of His love for me! He does not seek Himself, He seeks me. His heart is entirely focussed on me. My Father, God of the universe, lifts me up as His child. Jesus lifts me up as His sister-bride. I realized the vague feelings of melancholy that were always with me whenever I was alone were suddenly gone. Or was I just never alone anymore?! Father is helping me live as a dependant little girl again, safely on His shoulders, an art that I had lost after the early death of my parents. Surprises of joy come to me on a regular basis now. Life with God, even on this side of eternity, turned out to be so much better than I had ever dreamed!
So why did the memory of the father giving the children a drink from his hands come back to me in a FatherHeart School? I believe it is because Father was showing me: "Look, you are drinking now! You don't need to decline and turn away empty, feeling you can't belong. You now know this water is not contaminated. " And boy, do I enjoy my drink! I am indeed in paradise, drinking from my Father's hands as He scoops it up from His river. And I will do so for all eternity. I am embracing the entire Body of Christ again, and believe me, there is great blessing in that, because all the riches that Christ has put in His Body can flow to me now.
Thank You Father, I am drinking and I belong!
Hilde van der Velde
The Netherlands.
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